Both my Husband and I changed our last name
- the.millach.mob
- Jun 15, 2018
- 6 min read
As I sit here on my honeymoon in the gorgeous Maldives at Centara Ras Fushi Resort in my amazing over water bungalow, I feel compelled to write this blog in order to justify why my new Husband and I both changed our last name. Now to get things straight I want to just mention that we did not create a new ridiculous name just for fun, like; Sunflower or Princess Consuela Banana Hammock. No, we put plenty of thought into how a new name could work for us and why it worked better for us then the traditional approach.
Essentially, what we did was take the first part of my Husbands last name and blend it with the last part of my last name. My husbands last name was Miller and my last name was Larnach. We tried several different versions of these two names together, some were absolutely ridiculous whilst others had a nice ring to them. After about 6 months of conversation we landed on 'Millach'. As you can see this was no light hearted choice and was very carefully considered as not only would it affect us, but also our future children.
To say people were shocked by our decision was a massive understatement. The reactions to our choice were varied. Obviously, this is a new age, 21st century and somewhat unheard of idea. However, it was interesting that many of the older generations seemed to think it was a wonderful idea, in comparison to people our own age. Ps. We are 24 and 25. Some of the comments we got were "don't do that", "that's stupid", "that's the best idea I have ever heard", "I didn't know that was possible" and "so you are happy to just lose your identity?".
Now, those people that know me would know that I am a feminist, but I promise not to go on a massive rant. The losing your identity comments I believe are absolutely ridiculous. All of these comments were only made toward my Husband. Never once did I hear such a comment come towards myself. Frankly, I feel hurt that a name somehow defines a mans identity but not a woman's. How in such a progressional society can we still not see the lack of equality in this? Furthermore, when changing a name after marriage it is free for the woman to take a mans name but not for a man to take a woman's name. Sorry, but are you kidding????? Anyway, I will talk more about this later.
The final thing I wanted to talk about before getting into why we did it, is our families reactions. This is important to mention as these are the people who raised us and have had the most significant input in our lives up until this point in time.
My parents loved the idea. They thought that it was a very creative solution and compromise to our name dilemma. My dad said to me "your pop would be so proud that you want to keep part of your name".
My husbands parents were not so pleased and they were convinced it was a horrible idea. His father was particularly upset, pleading that tradition is more important than what we wanted to do.
I felt confused as to why we were not supported in our decision, until I spoke once again to my father. He said that from the moment a son is born a father is excited that their family name will be continued, "of course it's a shock and a little disappointing". My dad always puts things into perspective.
On another note my husband was too frightened to tell his family until 2 weeks before when I forced him into it. This was also not a good idea, as some people were still licking their wounds at the wedding.
Anyway, here are the 10 reasons why we did it.
1. My Husband last name is very common
I have always disliked how generic my first name is. Sam was the most common name given to a baby in the 5 years around the year I was born. I liked that my last name was different and unique. It is what helped me know people were talking to me. My Husbands last name was Miller. I literally couldn't bare the thought of being Sam Miller, I felt as though I was adopting a John Smith name, and that is so not my personality.
2. Compromise
Obviously, this decision was a compromise. I wasn't taking my husbands name so I would never expect him to take mine. We are about equality, and that means both of us got an equal say in how we approached this name change. This seemed like the most logical compromise possible.
3. To become a family
If we both had different names then this debate would arise again when we were to have children. Who's name would the children take? I certainly do not agree that after 9 month of pregnancy and child birth should the baby automatically adopt the fathers name. This way we already have our family name that our children will carry, until they chose to live by another name.
4. To recognise both our families
As I mentioned earlier both of our families are very important to us. Our names before marriage were also important to us. I am sure that their are many people who will always know me by my maiden name, as that is when they knew me, for example, people from school. Our new name combines both of our family names and thus, recognises where we came from.
5. To break tradition
Our wedding was very much about breaking traditions, not all of them, but the ones that are severely outdated. Our name was part of this. The idea of the woman taking the man's name comes from a time when women were the property of men. The transfer of the name during marriage shows that the female transfers from being the fathers property to now being the husbands property. This is not something I can support or be a part of as a 21st century human being. I work full time, pay for my own life and make my own decisions. I did not marry my husband to be dependent on him, rather to enjoy my life with my best friend with all the legal rights we attain from a marriage certificate.
6. To avoid the dreaded hyphenated name
The hyphenated name works well for some people and sounds terrific. I was not opposed to this idea, however, my husband has two middle names. This would mean he would have five names. Absolutely outrageous, people would never bother with that length and end up calling him by his original name anyway.
7. So that we are not always being called the wrong name
I know many people who decided not to take on their partners name because it wasn't right for them. Fair enough, everyone has to do what's right for them. But most I have spoken to have felt the frustration of always being referred to by the wrong name. There are many examples of this including on mail saying Mr and Mrs Sunflower, or when picking up kids from school purely because the child has a different name. Personally, I think we need to break that expectation.
8. For equality
What better reason to combine a name with your husband than to do it for equality. We are 2 equal shares in everything we do.
9. To become a united front
The whole point of married is to unite two people for the rest of their lives. This means that we are no longer yep individual I's but are now a we. How can we be a we if the female simply takes the males name? 'We' are the combination of two people. This is ultimately what we were trying to achieve with our name.
10. Because we wanted to
As much as I have felt it necessary to write this blog in order to justify our decision. We don't need to, this is something we wanted to do and we are very happy with the choice. We know that although people may hate the idea or not agree, there is nothing they can do about it. Everyone has their own way of doing things and so do we. All we wanted to do was share our experience so that others may feel more confident going against the norm. Everyone has the right to do what's right for them, whether it be taking their partners name, keeping their own or making a new one. As I always say "you do you".
Thanks for reading
Love
The Millach Mob
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